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About Britt

An Invitation to Meeting Suffering as Grace

I struggled for many years trying to put words on the work to which I was drawn. Though I’d been trained in numerous techniques both as a healer and an artist, I never quite felt I’d found my home in any one of them. I worked without a sense of where I was going, or even what I was meant to do. There was this idea that if I could just somehow figure out how all of the sprawling pieces of this intense longing to serve, to love, fit together, then I could be at peace.

My mind created a laundry list of expectations about how my gifts and talents were to be used. I wanted to do great things for the world. I wanted to bring healing. And change. Fortunately, Life provided me with my most profound teacher in the form of an unidentifiable chronic pain condition. No matter what I tried to accomplish, no matter what plans I had for myself, I could never overcome the pain that would leave me feeling alternately crucified, burned alive, or lying motionless as though every bone in my body had been crushed.

This pain first began appearing at approximately eleven years of age and at age thirty-one is, at the least, a constant background hum flavoring every experience. At its most intense, it is a type of debilitation that baffles the mind completely. Though I tried every method imaginable, the traditional, the alternative, and often the purely desperate, the pain proved immovable. It had its own life, its own intelligence, compared to which the plans and strivings of my mind were completely powerless.

To admit such defeat, such limitation, such dependence, forced me to face the depths of my own humiliation. It challenged me to dwell with a kind of suffering for which our cultural myths of heroism have no meaning. It invited me to become undone, and in that moment, I realized that in attempting to manage the pain, I had missed the call to mission.

A few days later, as I was riding on the train, a spontaneous prayer came into my heart. “God,” it said, “send me the ones who have run out of tricks, who are broken on their pain, whose mad longing accepts no substitutes for Love.” If you recognize yourself in these words, then come. Here, the answer-seeking mind submits like a dog curled at the feet of its master, and the heart is free to speak its staggering Mystery. Here, we share the ineffable beauty of embodiment, the radical emptying of self, and the seat of the true sovereign, which is Love alone. Here, we share in the birthing of the One as the Many, and rest deeply in the falling back of Creation into Stillness. In true friendship, we bear witness to the miracle of the Holy enfleshed. Soon!

There is nothing to choose between.

Poetry